I probably don't have to tell you how difficult it is to follow the no contact rule after your break up. Even though you know that the no contact rule requires you to avoid any sort of contact with your ex for an extended period of time, you'll looking for a way around this vile rule. You wish that there was a way to say some magic words and have your ex decide in a moment's time that they love you and want to get back together. Unfortunately, this rarely happens and the no contact rule in some form is often necessary before a reunion is possible.
You understand the logic behind the no contact rule somewhat but, on the other hand, you wish there was an easier way that made more sense to you. You want to tell your ex that you love them. What if they doubt that you still love them and decide that you don't care anymore and decide to start dating someone else? How is neglecting your ex going to help you to win them back? All you know is that you're miserable and every day you struggle to keep from contacting your ex.
Now, before you go crazy and decide to call your ex, there is some common sense behind the no contact rule. I do believe in it to a degree but I'm not militant like many of the so called realtionship experts out there. I do think that it's wise that both you and your ex take a bit of a rest right after the breakup. A short amount of time apart can actually benefit you and it can increase your odds of getting your ex back if you play your cards right.
You see, after a breakup what normally happens is that the person who has been dumped goes overboard with their attempts to win back their ex. They try to do everything perfectly. They want to fix the relationship. The might ask their partner to talk things through and they will change everything that their partner says was a problem in the relationship. They might even try to become the perfect partner by giving their ex everything that someone might want. They'll send their partner gifts and write them wonderful love letters and make changes in their life that they might have been unwilling to make before. The problem with all of this is that your ex didn't make their decision to leave in the end based upon what you said or did. They made their decision ultimately based upon how they felt. This means that there is no desire to work on the relationship and until there is, any attempts to fix the relationship are not only futile but they very well might annoy your ex to the point that you will be literally pushing them away. You need to make your ex want to get back together with you before your ex is even going to see the changes that you have made in your life.
This is how the no contact rule becomes useful. By allowing some time to pass and by leaving your ex alone, how they view you and what they think about you is going to change. This is a natural thing. Time heals all wounds and a short amount of time will make some of the bad memories fade a bit and lose some of their sting. Meanwhile, during this time you should be doing your best to get your life back together. Actions speak louder than words and when you do get back in touch with your ex again they should be able to see the changes that you have made in your life. Falling back into old patterns of behavior where you try to convince your ex to give your relationship a second chance will hurt your chances of getting them back. Allowing them back into your life and letting them remember what it was like to be in love with you is the way to go.
Just remember that the no contact rule is just as much for you as it is for your ex. Even thought they said that they don't want to see you anymore, not seeing your ex works in your favor. Your days should be filled with self improvement and learning about what you need to do and say to get your ex back. Getting your ex back is about how your ex perceives you and thinks about when they see you. It's not about convincing someone that once thought that you were the most wonderful person in the world to take you back. They already love you. Deep down inside they do. You just need to learn how to bring that out in them again without triggering those negative emotions from your breakup.
You understand the logic behind the no contact rule somewhat but, on the other hand, you wish there was an easier way that made more sense to you. You want to tell your ex that you love them. What if they doubt that you still love them and decide that you don't care anymore and decide to start dating someone else? How is neglecting your ex going to help you to win them back? All you know is that you're miserable and every day you struggle to keep from contacting your ex.
Now, before you go crazy and decide to call your ex, there is some common sense behind the no contact rule. I do believe in it to a degree but I'm not militant like many of the so called realtionship experts out there. I do think that it's wise that both you and your ex take a bit of a rest right after the breakup. A short amount of time apart can actually benefit you and it can increase your odds of getting your ex back if you play your cards right.
You see, after a breakup what normally happens is that the person who has been dumped goes overboard with their attempts to win back their ex. They try to do everything perfectly. They want to fix the relationship. The might ask their partner to talk things through and they will change everything that their partner says was a problem in the relationship. They might even try to become the perfect partner by giving their ex everything that someone might want. They'll send their partner gifts and write them wonderful love letters and make changes in their life that they might have been unwilling to make before. The problem with all of this is that your ex didn't make their decision to leave in the end based upon what you said or did. They made their decision ultimately based upon how they felt. This means that there is no desire to work on the relationship and until there is, any attempts to fix the relationship are not only futile but they very well might annoy your ex to the point that you will be literally pushing them away. You need to make your ex want to get back together with you before your ex is even going to see the changes that you have made in your life.
This is how the no contact rule becomes useful. By allowing some time to pass and by leaving your ex alone, how they view you and what they think about you is going to change. This is a natural thing. Time heals all wounds and a short amount of time will make some of the bad memories fade a bit and lose some of their sting. Meanwhile, during this time you should be doing your best to get your life back together. Actions speak louder than words and when you do get back in touch with your ex again they should be able to see the changes that you have made in your life. Falling back into old patterns of behavior where you try to convince your ex to give your relationship a second chance will hurt your chances of getting them back. Allowing them back into your life and letting them remember what it was like to be in love with you is the way to go.
Just remember that the no contact rule is just as much for you as it is for your ex. Even thought they said that they don't want to see you anymore, not seeing your ex works in your favor. Your days should be filled with self improvement and learning about what you need to do and say to get your ex back. Getting your ex back is about how your ex perceives you and thinks about when they see you. It's not about convincing someone that once thought that you were the most wonderful person in the world to take you back. They already love you. Deep down inside they do. You just need to learn how to bring that out in them again without triggering those negative emotions from your breakup.
About the Author:
Discover the secrets to getting your girlfriend back with Matt Huston's Ex2 System. See how in this Ex2 System review.
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